pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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