I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
only you would photoshop your dick
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
