Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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