I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
