break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Are we still banned from the library?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
