He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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