Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
