Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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