I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
