I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
