The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
