So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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