doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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