it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
