I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
