waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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