why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
