it was like his penis was on wheels.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
