I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
