I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
