so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
