He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
