Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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