They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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