Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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