I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
