Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The uberlube is also flammable
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
