I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
