Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
