Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
North Korea, Best Korea!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
