how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It was confusing and full of hummus
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
