Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
