I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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