And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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