Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
