Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Help. Why am I so naked?
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