break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
