My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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