I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
