So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
