I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
