So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
