The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
