I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
