if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
