so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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