I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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