hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
