WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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