This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
