there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
