If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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