I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
